Cecilia

A few days ago, I attended a funeral mass at St. Mary's Church here in Dubai. The wife of one of my "senior" colleague passed away after a 2-year bout with breast cancer. I was there to show my support but I was not prepared to feel the pains I thought had been long gone within me.

At the end of the mass, my widowed officemate and his daughter was crying. And at that moment, I thought, I was seeing myself 14 years ago. It dawned on me that I had the same situation once. That I also cried for the lost of my mom, I also lost her because of cancer.

When I come near to the daughter, I told her, it will soon be over just to console her. But I know, that it would never be. For how can you forget the one who gave birth on you? The woman who nourished and feed you before she take care of herself? The woman who loves you more than she loved herself?

After 14 years, I still cry at night. Missing her so much. Wishing that she is seeing the life that I have now. Hoping that she got her chance to take care of my child.

After 14 years, I am still a child who needs her mom, in every turns and humps of my life.

After 14 years, she still inspires me. To be the best that I can be, to be her source of pride.

After 14 years, I still try to live the way I know she wants me to be. Recounting my memories of those girl talks I had with her ages ago.

After 14 years, I am still in pain, like it was the first day of her death.

It will never be over.