Wednesday, December 17, 2008


A few days ago, I attended a funeral mass at St. Mary's Church here in Dubai. The wife of one of my "senior" colleague passed away after a 2-year bout with breast cancer. I was there to show my support but I was not prepared to feel the pains I thought had been long gone within me.

At the end of the mass, my widowed officemate and his daughter was crying. And at that moment, I thought, I was seeing myself 14 years ago. It dawned on me that I had the same situation once. That I also cried for the lost of my mom, I also lost her because of cancer.

When I come near to the daughter, I told her, it will soon be over just to console her. But I know, that it would never be. For how can you forget the one who gave birth on you? The woman who nourished and feed you before she take care of herself? The woman who loves you more than she loved herself?

After 14 years, I still cry at night. Missing her so much. Wishing that she is seeing the life that I have now. Hoping that she got her chance to take care of my child.

After 14 years, I am still a child who needs her mom, in every turns and humps of my life.

After 14 years, she still inspires me. To be the best that I can be, to be her source of pride.

After 14 years, I still try to live the way I know she wants me to be. Recounting my memories of those girl talks I had with her ages ago.

After 14 years, I am still in pain, like it was the first day of her death.

It will never be over.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Livin' on the edge!

Well, this isn't about the extreme sports that's killin me (because, honestly that is very unlikely!) It was my phrase describing...the mood here in Dubai. Livin' on the edge, careful not to fall or less....retrenchment! Yeah, fellas, local news is not complete without any mention of companies laying off workers in hundreds! That bad, huh? So now, the Dubai dream is really over? Two weeks ago, the company where i work for had terminated more or less 200 people, in mix nationalities. Mid of the year, recession was just in US and i NEVER thought (fool of me!) that the bad monkey (recession-that is!) will want to go Dubai Mall. Hell, i really wish his visit visa would expire soon and found himself exiting somewhere, anywhere (except my in dear Pinas) outside UAE.

I have no idea what to expect tomorrow, next week or next month. Because maybe, my head is next in the next batch of mass termination (creepy!). My family is here and we love the life we have here humidity and scorching summer heat included. And if bad becomes worst- quo vadis? If it ends, where will we begin? Even the formidable economy of Japan is crumbling.

Faith and hope. Faith that the Almighty will help us survive this crisis and hope that next year, it will be better.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

In the beginning...

In the beginning...was envy. It was envy from my husband who is very much fixated with his own blog. And since, I don't want him to change his addiction in a more serious one (drugs, booze, and other if he would!) i'd rather join him in this rendezvous.

This blog would give print to the happiest, wackiest, craziest, saddest, impractical and "out of the blue" thoughts of a 30-something woman who is trying to balance the delicate responsibilities of having a happy family and a satisfying career here in Dubai. I am not alone, there are many women out there who is like me. I hope this blog would make them blurt "yeah, same here", and also this is for any one out there who cares.

I don't know how this will go from now on. But I promise to be very honest with you.

Welcome to my world.